


Part One: A Gun For Barns

by laridian



Series: A Gun For Barns [1]
Category: Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Amnesia, Bisexual Male Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Diary/Journal, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 07:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17421935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laridian/pseuds/laridian
Summary: Gunnar Volk, until recently a courier for the Mojave Express, struggles to make sense of things in a world and a self he cannot remember.





	1. Hallo Mister X

**Author's Note:**

> Prologue and Author's Note.
> 
> This began as a way to share Fallout: New Vegas with a friend. I'd begun playing the game, and shared the experience with my friend as a series of diary entries written by my courier character. From there it became the novel-length story presented to you now. It took on a life of its own!
> 
> Part One is entirely diary entries, and its pace is a bit slow, but it’s also quite short. In Part Two the diary format ends and the story picks up, including the addition of the companions and more interpersonal action. 
> 
> My editor/beta reader and I have done our best to note tags and warnings. Certain spellings (e.g. "Radex" for "Rad-X") are my own, because I preferred them that way. 
> 
> I could not have done this without the help and support of @PorkWithBones, my editor, beta reader and writing companion. Thanks for being my companion in the Wasteland. :)

I must have written things down, before. I don't remember, but it feels right to do so. I'm missing big gaps in my memories. Doc Mitchell says that's normal after being shot in the head. It's still disturbing, though, because I can obviously read and write, and I can almost know things. Like I almost remember that I know something, but not even what that something is. I must have been educated, somewhere, somehow, but — 

I don't feel good yet. Went out to the saloon, Doc Mitchell told Sunny to help me out, try to remember things. I can tell you right now, I may not have been good with guns. (Who is "you"? Did I have someone to write to, before this? Who was it? Are they waiting? If I remember, I'll send this to you, so you know I… not exactly forgot, but forgot for a valid reason, that bits of my brain got removed at velocity.)

I can't even hit a barn.

Sunny gave me a rifle and had me try shooting old bottles on a fence. I had to get within ten feet. She didn't laugh, at least. Gave me hints on how to aim better. Said if I'd been a gunman, I'd've had muscle memory, and I don't. 

Who was I? They say I was a courier. I remember that much. I hope more comes back. I feel like a horrible blank page. Maybe that's why I'm filling this one up.

I'm recovering (again) at Doc Mitchell's. I had to pay him some caps after a scorpion stung the bejeezers out of me. I was too busy reloading the rifle to get away in time. But he did give me a blank book, and I found some pencil stubs.

So why do I even care if I write this down? Maybe because I'm worried I'll lose more. Maybe I've got someone — family, friends — who wonder where I am. If I find them, they can read this. Or if the next man who shoots me succeeds in killing me… at least I'll have this much to leave behind.

My name is Gunnar Volk — I think — that's the name that came to me when I first woke up here. I hope that's the right name. How much of me is gone forever?

I can't even hit a barn. Who was I, why am I here, who shot me and why? I have to find out. Maybe if I find out, I can remember more. Maybe the pieces will come back to me. I hope so.

~ ~ ~


	2. In the Shadow of the Valley

I've spent a day practicing with the rifle and trying to get my bearings. Doc gave me his old Vault uniform. It's not what I would normally wear, I can "remember" that much, but it's clothing. 

I've been shooting bugs and scavenging the meat from them. Not great, but it's something, and Sunny said she'd teach me how to cook if I can collect some other things. I poked around the abandoned schoolhouse. Books, magazines. Those are important to me somehow. Of course, I can read and write pretty well, so maybe I grew up with those around me?

I found Victor the robot who saved me. But I'm still woozy on my feet sometimes. Like the world starts spinning around me, and I'm not sure which way is which. Doc gave me a Pip-Boy, one of those old things from the Vault, and it helps, because sometimes I don't know which way is north. I used to know that, I think.

~ ~ ~

Went up to the cemetery to get some vegetable plants — tobacco and prickly pear — how do I know the safe way to get prickly pear off the cactus? My past life, I guess. And I found my grave. It's a mess. There are… bits of me there. Blood. Other things. I think I owe Doc Mitchell a lot more than I could have guessed. 

There are also a lot of old beer bottles, and more importantly, seven or eight cigarette butts by my grave. They've got a funny look to them, gold banded with black. This has got to mean something. The man who shot me probably was smoking these. Can't be too many people with these, they look fancy.

I stood there a while. There was a… not a raven. Crow? Crow! Yes. Black bird.

Good God, how messed up am I?

When I looked up, I could see the lights of the city in the distance. New Vegas. The Hoover Dam supplies the power that keeps it running, all lit up, brighter than the stars overhead. Easy Pete down at the saloon said the NCR and the Legion are going to fight over that damn (ha!!!) again soon. For the power, and the water.

The feel of water. I remember that. I miss it.

I'm going to sleep for a bit and in the morning I'll talk to Sunny. Right now I'm in the saloon, it's always open even if nobody else is here, and there's light to write by.


	3. Ain't That a Kick in the Head

I watched the sun come up. The sky is beautiful at dawn, as the stars disappear into the morning light.

That reads really… poetic. Who was I, before? But the dawn was still pretty, and I wonder if Old Me would have felt the same way.

Sunny showed me the campfire, and as she talked, I realized I could remember cooking. Recipes, though none are written down, but they came back to me. I must have been able to cook, before. And make things — healing powder — I know there's a name for it, but I can't remember it. But things like that. So at least the bug meat will be cooked, and I found some jalapeños; maybe I can make hot sauce. Plain bug legs are crunchy and that's all I can say about them.

Then went back to the saloon; Trudy the bartender filled me in a little more on what's going on locally. The man who shot me had a gang with him, and wore a checkered suit, and they came down from Quarry Junction (?? this is why I have to write things down. My brain is like a can full of holes) and they're probably going toward the Vegas Strip.

Getting there will be hard, going alone, and I'm still shaky. But maybe if I find "Checkers" (heh) then I can find out who I was. Maybe it'll jog some memories loose for me.

Raided the old schoolhouse for more pencils. There are old pens there too but they're dried up and don't work.

~ ~ ~

Ain't that a kick in the head…

That's a song, I think. And a saying, definitely. 

I found a mirror where I could look at myself. My hair's pretty short still, but now it's long enough to cover up the

Lesson to myself: Don't touch there, it still hurts. 

I was writing above about my hair. It's long enough now that it covers up where Doc patched me back together. Mostly. But I want to grow it longer, just to make sure nobody can tell. I feel like… like someone would look. Probably not.

~ ~ ~

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

~ ~ ~

I had to rest for a while, and then I began doodling in the margins above. Drawings feel okay. That must be the muscle memory that Sunny was talking about. So I'm some kind of educated artist? Some fancy-pants nob? What was I doing in that cemetery? Why do I think of myself as a courier?

~ ~ ~

I took a break after that last part. My head hurt too much and I had to lie down for a while. When I got up I tried to draw what I saw from the cemetery. Not my grave. The view from the hill. Not as good as I'd like, but that's okay. I don't see how doodling is going to help me find my murderer — attempted murderer. I need to get my head on straight (haha) and find this guy. And then what? I can't even shoot a barn.

~ ~ ~

I explored more of Goodsprings. (That's this town.) Everyone's just getting by — some bighorners in corrals, some corn and vegetables in the gardens. I have no idea how they make do. I found a trailer that looks gutted by fire. Some woman lived there for a while, they say, but then her trailer burned… it's a shame, it would make a good small house to live in. Then again, maybe it's too hot in summer.

So Goodsprings is so called, and survives, because of the water. They have a pure water spring. I'm amazed they didn't build a fort right on top of it to protect it. Sooner or later the NCR or the Legion is going to come here, I just know it.

I'm still recovering, but I'm better, and I'm able to hit stuff at least some of the time now, even though it's still all bugs. I hope I don't run into anything nastier when I leave town. But now there's a new problem, the Powder Gangers — NCR convicts armed with dynamite — it sounds like they're hunting this guy who came through town lately. No, not me. Thank God, that's the least of my worries. But I should do something about it. I don't know if I can talk the Gangers down. 

There should be a gun for barns.


	4. My Resistance is Low

I killed someone.

It was definitely one. I'm not sure if I killed more than that. I killed someone.

I talked to Ringo, and the townspeople, and got them all to agree to work together to defeat the Powder Gangers. The Gangers wanted Ringo, and some of Goodsprings thought if they turned him over, the Gangers would leave them alone; but I knew the Gangers would come back later if the town gave in.

I don't know how I knew. I just did. 

I tried talking to Cobb, the Ganger in charge. Ringo or nothing. Ringo wouldn't pay the toll to travel through their territory, which apparently now includes Goodsprings, so it wasn't just the money; they wanted to make an example.

I tried to make it work out.

Instead I sort of… organized Goodsprings to defend itself. Ringo came out too. And I killed someone.

Kind of a blur after that. I didn't feel so good. I think I forgot to put armor before, too. At some point I realized I was bleeding.

When I came back to myself I had money and… salvage from the Gangers. Their stuff.

Does that make me a thief? Looting the dead? Thief and murderer.

But — this is what life is, here. I don't see any children in this town. Not even teenagers. Just adults. They're trying to hold on as best they could. I can see why they wanted to just buy off the Gangers with Ringo's life, but — most of them were out there shooting, too. If they didn't, the Gangers would overrun them.

I'll have to get used to it. I guess. I don't think Old Me was used to it either. How did I get this far in life? Who was I?

~ ~ ~

I soold some of the Genger stuff to the store here, and now Ineed to figure out some more about guns, 

i think

~ ~ ~

Better now. Lots of water and some food and sleep. Need to take care of myself.

I found some extra pencils too.

I need to find my way to Primm. That's the next town on the way to Vegas. And Goodsprings likes me, but Ringo says to watch out for Powder Gangers from now on. I don't think we left any alive, so I don't know how they'll know it was me that organized the defense, but… I need to get some help. It's not safe to go alone too long. 

~ ~ ~

I'm nervous to leave here. It's not an easy life here, but it's easy to understand. Hunt geckos, sell the hides, eat the meat, trade for other things… and plenty of fresh water to drink. (But not for bathing, and I want a bath.)

But if I stay here I won't know what happened. I'll always be a blank slate. Like Victor the robot who says he wandered in years ago and doesn't really remember what happened before that.

One night — I'm sleeping in the old gas station — I woke up to find Victor looming over me. Scared me half out of what's left of my head. He said to just be careful and watch out. I think he was trying to warn me, not threaten me. But bejeezers, I was wide awake after that.

I came across some guy who said his girl was trapped by geckos up on the ridge — I managed to shoot and skin them all, and then I saw him coming up the hill, armed. He said he was glad I killed everything so he could loot instead. He winged me and I shot four times and ran. I hid up on the ridge and eventually he got tired of looking for me and left. I watched him go. 

I need a gun for barns.

I found the stash he was talking about. It had bear traps all around it. I got past those and found a little hideout. Something must have happened to the woman who'd been there before; actually she was still there, but… not in a way to complain about my visit.

I gave her a burial and then stayed there for a day, resting and rubbing healing powder into my arm and eating the geckos. There was good stuff up there, too, ammo and whiskey, and a book. I read that while I was up there. The author has more in this series. I wonder if there are any more out there.

I think tomorrow I'll go to the next town. Primm. 

~ ~ ~

I found some white horsenettles! I can use those, I know it… I don't remember how, yet, but I know I can. It'll come to me. I have to believe that.

~ ~ ~

Started on the way to Primm. Saw the guy (Thorn?) who sent me after geckos and tried to kill me. Took a wide path around him and tripped over a Powder Ganger camp. They all came after me. Shot me up pretty bad but I got them… eventually.

It turns out there is a gun for barns. It's a grenade launcher. 

I feel a little less bad about killing people when they keep trying to kill me.

Holing up on the ridge again to try to heal.

~ ~ ~

Remembered I had to loot the bodies and dragged myself back down the hill to get their stuff. Ammunition, that grenade launcher and some grenades. Some dynamite. Powder Gangers, indeed. Picked up everything I could safely carry and went back to the ridge hideout. Ate an old box of snack cakes and going to rest now.

~ ~ ~

Coyotes came sniffing around. Probably smelled blood. Easier to kill than geckos. Something good.

Got new clothes off the PGs. Tried to remove the obvious PG/convict items but at least now I have something else to wear. 

I couldn't have made it very far on my own, in my old life. This is hard work. I must have had friends or companions or someone — someone who could watch my back and I could watch theirs, or something. They're looking for me, aren't they? I hope so. I hope I wasn't the last one alive somehow. 

~ ~ ~

I'm not sure what happened for a while. I don't know if it was the snack cakes or the gecko meat or what… I think I lost some time. My clothes are looser — I've lost weight. My writing is a little shaky now too.

But I haven't starved, I guess. 

~ ~ ~

I found that bastard who tried to ambush me after the geckos. I killed him. Don't care. He deserved it.

Sore place inside my mouth. I should know how to fix that. Don't know how. Not quite there in my head.  
god i'm so lonely

~ ~ ~

I can make coffee now. Sort of. It's hot and tastes sort of like coffee and the water's boiled that way.

Went around the hills and found more horsenettles, and made some belts to sell in town. Found a bag of safety razors. Shaved with leftover coffee. It worked.


	5. This is Worth Fighting For

Went back to my grave. Somehow I mostly go there at night, but this time, the sun came up and I stayed there a while, and I saw something in the dirt. It must've been left there when Victor dragged me out. 

Details about my courier contract. The manifest is "One (1) oversized platinum poker chip". I worked for Mojave Express. There's directions to meet someone at the Vegas Strip and hand over the package. Did I get that far? And a name of someone at Mojave Express in Primm. 

From the ashes! This Johnson Nash may be able to help me find out who I am, or what I was doing, or anything at all. On to Primm!

~ ~ ~

Good thing I'm taking notes. Sometimes I seem to black out, or lose time, or — at any rate, time passes, and I don't know what happens in the middle. So I have to keep writing, to make sure I know what I'm doing.

Made it to Primm. NCR has the west half of town but the Powder gangers have the east half. I killed a couple of those already. Stalemated because NCR is stretched thin. I think someone else already told me that? That NCR is reaching too far too fast. NCR looks like straight up army.

Found the Mojave Express outpost. Empty. Dead courier out front. Not a good sign.

Found Johnson Nash, though, the next building over, (called me "youngster") but I got some information from him.

\- there were 6 couriers all told, all with weird stuff like a pair of fuzzy dice, a chess piece, stuff like that. It was good money for the jobs tho so ME took the job.  
\- the other 5 couriers made delivery.  
\- I don't have the chip, so I think it was stolen by that guy in the suit with the fancy cigarettes.   
\- Nash says a fancy-boy came thru Primm with some Great Khans in attendance. Bodyguards? Hired help?  
\- Local sheriff may know something about all this, Nash isn't sure but anything's worth a try.

Head feels slippery. Not physically, just… need to focus. Got the writing ddone. Will eat and find the sherriff.

~ ~ ~

Nash's wife Ruby is a cook. She makes radscorpion venom casserole. Safe to eat as long as you don't have sores in your mouth. Can't eat it until my mouth heals up. Wish it would already.

~ ~ ~

I found the sheriff and his wife dead in their house. In their own bed. Nobody should die like they did.

The people in the town are hiding. The gangers rule this part of town and the NCR can't stop them. 

I don't know who I was, but I know who I am.

MY NAME IS GUNNAR VOLK AND I HAVE A GUN FOR BARNS


	6. Kiss Me Goodnight, Sergeant-Major

The deputy was hostage inside. He isn't worth anything. Couldn't lift a finger to help anyone else and doesn't want to be sheriff either. Sonofabitch, I can't shoot someone unarmed but dammit. Sheriff was his brother in law which is probably how he got the job.

Killed the gangers. Even the one with the flamethrower. Took that too. Need to figure out where to put stuff that's safe. Don't know of anywhere in this world that's always safe.

But dumbass deputy dog at least had some idea about the man who shot me. Headed south toward Nipton, he said. I should go there next, but I can't leave the town unprotected like this, not with this turd in charge. I'll get some sleep and talk to the NCR about coming in to help these people.

~ ~ ~

NCR is undermanned. If I can get some more troops up here, they can reinstate law in Primm. (Numbnuts deputy suggested I go talk to the Gangers about a former sheriff in their midst. I did not backhand him across the face. I wanted to.)

I scavenged around Primm and nearly got ambushed by a Ganger group, probably after me by now. I got away in time.

How'm I supposed to get troops to Primm? I did ask that. There's an outpost to the SW. I'll go talk to their commander and see what can be done. 

~ ~ ~

Gangers are a real problem here. I thought it was just an isolated group, but there's a whole prison full of them. That's… too many.

~ ~ ~

Whoever I knew in my life before… if ever there is anyone… when you find me, or maybe my body if things aren't going well, I hope you read this. Because I need you to know that I don't remember anything from that time. It's not coming back, at least, not yet. Maybe someday, but not right now. 

So if I'm acting strange or weird, or not like the man you knew… I don't know who that was. I don't know that man. I only know who I am now. And I hope you understand that.

~ ~ ~

At last, a place to stay the night and rest without worrying about being stabbed or shot while I sleep! 

I'm at the NCR outpost to the south of the rest stop. There's a barracks, repair facilities, even a little clean water. This is a caravan stop, and they're stopped here because, guess what, it's not safe to get on to Primm, because of the Gangers.

I talked with the Rangers here (the Rangers merged into the NCR to join strength) and the NCR, and we all came to an agreement. The NCR troops here agreed that those in Primm need support, and without support Primm isn't safe, and then the caravans can't move. So they'll move troops in.

Good. That's what's needed. And I guess I have to be the one to make it happen. I can't leave Primm alone and unguarded, not with that dipstick deputy in charge — oh, excuse me, he's "protecting the townsfolk" from inside the casino while there's no sheriff. Yeah. Maybe some folks think the NCR has too many rules, but at least they'll protect people. I hope.

~ ~ ~

Major Knight and I talked a while. I think, if he wasn't NCR, we could be friends. I can hear the quotes around it when he talks. "Friends." Maybe I'm just lonely. It's good to talk to someone who isn't actively trying to kill me, or out to make the best deal they can on a trade.

Major Knight…

The NCR doesn't approve of "friends". But we could talk, at least, and share some weak beer. And then say goodnight, and go to separate buildings.

I must have had someone, before. I guess. I think I must have, because I don't like being lonely. I don't want to be desperate, but… I don't want to be lonely. 

~ ~ ~

Spent the day talking with Major and getting an idea of what I might face. The people in Primm said my murderer had some Great Khans with him. If he still does, it's likely I can't take him down myself, especially if he's got more wherever he's holed up. Even if I said I just wanted to talk (which I *do* want to find out why he killed me) he's probably got enough bodyguards to make sure the job is done all the way this time. 

So like I thought before, I need some help of my own. That'll probably take money if I can't convince anyone else of my cause (so says Major). So I need to earn money, and find some people who can help and won't stab me in the back.

Money, I can maybe do some jobs here and there, though I'm hardly good enough to be a hired gun. I'll start scavenging, too, though I'm sure everything's been picked over by now. If I find some caps, or booze, or anything useful, I can sell it and save up money to hire my own bodyguards.

~ ~ ~

There's a small library here. Old prewar stuff, mostly, but I'll read almost anything now, if it's in good enough condition to read. Today I found a cookbook. I don't know what some of the ingredients are, but if I can find them anywhere in the ruins, maybe it's worth looking into?

\- oleo  
\- saltines  
\- cream of celery

~ ~ ~

I need to get going. Ranger Jackson hired me to clear out some giant ants on the way back to Primm. It's money, and I can practice with other guns. I can't use the barn gun on everything.

~ ~ ~

Ant legs taste better than mantis legs.

~ ~ ~

Ran like hell from some giant radscorpions. At least I got all the scotch from that stash. I can get money for that.

I got safely back to Primm. The outpost is sending more troops to Primm, so the NCR is taking over the territory. So now the town will be safe, and I can leave knowing that moron isn't in charge.

~ ~ ~

Said moron had a few words for me too. He's lost his deputy job thanks to the NCR moving in. Boo hoo. And he's upset because now he'll have to pay taxes and actually work for a living. Cry me a river, deadbeat. I put my life on the line saving your worthless ass and avenging the sheriff (yr brother in law) and saving the town. He can drop dead if he wants, go out into the wasteland and fight powder gangers and hunt ants and run from scorpions, see how he likes it. 

I'll resupply and then head south again. It's too dangerous to go straight as the crow flies toward Vegas, so I have to go south and east to Nipton and then north to Vegas. 

~ ~ ~

Tried some of the scotch. Woke up after another blackout. It wasn't that much, either, but I guess I have to abstain from now on. I can sell the booze. Good money in it.


	7. Strange Fruit

I woke and couldn't remember my name. Read this. That's why everything is written down. I need to remember. I wonder if that's really my name. It's the first one I thought of, but I don't know if it's real. Mojave Express just said my name was on the list, Nash called me "kiddo" and I didn't think to ask to see the list so I could find out. 

~ ~ ~

Sold a half dozen hides to the NCR and got a job, go scout Nipton, something's wrong there. Since I'm going there anyway that's good. 

~ ~ ~

Nipton is destroyed.

The Legion were there. They said I could live if I spread the word of their work and the "lessons" they taught to the townsfolk. There are bodies nailed to crosses and buildings on fire.

I agreed, because I want to live. I've already died once. 

Ran back to the NCR and reported in. But I don't think they can do anything about it. They already sent troops to Primm. I don't know what else I can do. What can be done. Maybe I can go back at night and search. If the Legion's still there, I'll stay away.

~ ~ ~

Found some NCR bodies and took the dog tags so I can return them. But it looks like everyone is 

I found a survivor. He said he won the lottery. He may have been zozzled. Ran around the happiest I can remember someone being, which means only since I came back from the grave. Then he ran off.

I found another one, trapped in a building, legs smashed. Powder ganger, who seems to think I've got a vendetta against them. Cursed me out, but he did say what happened to Nipton. It sounds like the town was the local goodtime Charlie's for

where does that phrase come from? Why did I write that?

need to write this down so the NCR knows

Nipton had booze and girls and chems, and it sounds like anyone was welcome as long as they could pay. The gangers were hired to lure some NCR in, and then the Legion rounded up everyone. Gave out lottery tickets. One winner survived. Everyone else got killed in some way or other, except second place who was this ganger with the broken legs. Crucifixion, beheading, burned alive. A few were taken slaves and are somewhere east. 

I wish I could have that scotch now. I could use it. 

~ ~ ~

Forgot: Leader of the Legion squad wore a coyote head… headdress? helmet? 

~ ~ ~

Reported back what's going on with the Legion. Sounds like they're going past their usual boundaries and … invading? Something else to worry about. 

Cleared out some more PGs. Found more wild food. Tired. Just want to find a safe place again, somewhere 

Fell asleep writing that. I understand why some don't want the NCR around; there are rules, but it's safer. Life isn't safe. You give up some freedom for the safety they provide. It's got an appeal to it. Maybe after I find my murderer. I don't know. I suppose I'll see how long this takes, and if I die for real before I have that chance.

That's morbid. Going to make some lizard eggs for breakfast and get on the road.

~ ~ ~

I blew up a car today. It was an accident.

They're all over the roads, pre-war cars and trucks, and most of them are decayed and not worth looking into for anything. I never gave them much thought before now. Some men shot at me near a cluster of them, and I shot back. I still can't hit a barn without the barn gun, but I tried, and they were near the cars, and suddenly one blew up.

I'm pretty sure it was my shooting that did it.

All my attackers died in little pieces and my arm bent funny from the blast, so I'm resting up now, in a little overlook cave, and at least it was my left arm so I can still do things (like write).

I had no idea old cars were so dangerous. Were they that dangerous in the old times? How did anyone dare ride in them? If I knew a couple of bullets would make my car explode, I'd never dare to get in one. 

Going to put some more of that healing goop on my arm, which is sore but now bent the right way.

~ ~ ~

Was I a doctor? 

I don't think so. But the concepts don't seem foreign to me. I found a first-aid cabinet that hadn't been looted yet, and I know how to use these things. I know how to help someone with them. But I don't think I know surgery. 

Still. I can read and write, and know… things. I can't always know which things they are, but I do know them, when they come back to me.

~ ~ ~

I searched all of Nipton and didn't find the dandy who killed me, or at least nobody who seemed dressed like that, nor anyone who wasn't NCR, PG or locals. So if he was here, he moved on before the Legion got here. From what I've been told, he probably went east to Novac if he was heading for Vegas. So that's where I'll have to go too.


	8. A Stranger in Town

It takes a while to kill, clean and cook my own food, but then I opened a box of prewar food and it was all gray and lumpy inside.

~ ~ ~

Fruit! This Legionary had fruit! And it tastes _so good_ , actual fresh fruit that isn't already holed by bugs!

One of them looks like the fruit on the packages of dried apples, so this one must be a fresh apple before packaging. I'm not sure what the other one is yet.

~ ~ ~

Made it to Novac. Short for "No Vacancy" at the motel, which has a giant gecko out front. Asked around. The dandy in the checkered suit passed through here. One of the town's snipers says if I clear the ghouls out of the the old REPCONN site he'll give me more information. 

Also the local crazy man is here and says it's not ghouls at the site, it's commie ghosts that don't know they're dead. Also the thing killing brahmin is a chupacabra with an automatic weapon. Wondered if he'd taken a mine to the head until he mentioned radscorpion stings to the skull.

~ ~ ~

The giant gecko is a dinosaur. Now that I'm told, I remember the word and the concept, at least for now. There are little souvenir ones too but they're really expensive, and I've got enough stuff to carry right now.

~ ~ ~

Victor the robot is here! I said hello and he actually said "Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!" I laughed. I wonder if he's looking out for me somehow. But in Goodsprings, he said he'd been there for years, and I can't believe he was waiting all that time for me. (Then again I was told I'm the only person he's ever tried to help, and he did rescue me from my grave.)

Anyway he said he was just here because he felt the urge to wander… I said it was kind of a strange thing for us to meet there, but he said given it's the only road to Vegas, not surprising at all that we'd run into each other on the road.

~ ~ ~

The invisible chupacabra (what the hell is that anyway) was some kind of… stealth mode super mutant. Those words came to my brain, but I don't know how I know. It wasn't easy but I did manage to kill it, and it'll leave the brahmin alone now. The ranchers and townsfolk seem a little less aloof toward me this morning.


	9. Sleepy Town Blues

It feels like it's been days. Maybe it has been? Let me try to remember.

Novac — having problems with ghouls — Manny Vargas asked me to go root them out and he'd tell me about the Great Khans and the dandy leading them. I found the REPCONN test site and poked around.

The ghouls are the Bright Brotherhood and led by Jason Bright who wants to lead his people to the Great Beyond, but they can't because demons got into the basement.

Into the basement. "Demons" are Nightkin led by Davison super mutant who used to be human and military long ago, I think. They're looking for Stealth Boys but something's keeping them from getting to the storeroom. 

For want of a nail, the horse was lost, for want of a horse, the rider was lost

Basement — Harland the ghoul is trapped there by the Nightkin, wants me to find his friend who got taken prisoner. I'd already found her body. Not sure how she died and he didn't ask, but he was willing to leave then. I looked for the Stealth Boys and found they'd been sent to Repcon by accident and were sent back.

Reported back to Davison and then he and his group left to look for the Stealth Boys elsewhere. So Jason and his followers donned space suits!! and went to the basement, and of course they needed me again.

I have to say that Jason's conviction and determination are so… I wish I had that. He's convinced he's going to lead them to the Great Beyond. Most people kill ghouls — I had to shoot the ferals on the way in — but Jason and his flock are sane and rational and they've decided to go where the humans aren't: space.

They have a human in the flock, who doesn't realize he's human, he thinks he's a ghoul. The flock accepted him and he's been getting the rockets ready. This is where I came in again, needed to get some igniter fluid (?) and some control modules. The flock said they couldn't take him with them, the radiation would kill him, but they'd made him a saint of their religion.

I went to the viewing platform and messed with the rocket navigation; they had a good plan but I realized it could be fixed. I don't know how I knew, but I knew. I fixed it for them, it'll get them to their Great Beyond a little faster now. 

But I don't know about Haversham, if he survived the takeoff — I assume he did — or where he went afterwards. I looked for him, but didn't find him in the facility afterwards. 

Manny said the dandy's name is Benny and he and the Khans are heading for Boulder City, which is right up the road, north. At last, I have some solid information! I'm going to rest up, resupply and head north.

~ ~ ~

I went to the dinosaur before dawn to look at the landscape. Novac has two snipers on duty, Manny during the day and Boone during the night. Both ex-NCR. Boone was up there and has a massive chip on his shoulder, but I kept talking at him and he finally relented, perhaps just to make me shut up. Manny had said something's wrong about Boone and his wife, and that's not really my business, but Boone brought it up because I'm "not from around here.” (interesting)

Boone's certain that his wife didn't just run off, that she was kidnapped, and that someone in town is responsible. He wants me to find out who it is and bring them before the dinosaur, where he'll "take care of the rest." (um)

I figure it can't hurt to ask around and get more information anyway, and until I bring anyone to that place, everything's OK. (He gave me his beret to wear to show that that's the target, so he doesn't shoot people who just happen to be there with me.)

Sure, I could just leave. I don't have to help. But if I can help the man put his fears to rest, then so much the better. Even if what I find is that she ran off.


	10. One For My Baby

Everyone says Carla Boone was pretty but prickly (like a cactus flower, one person said) and that Boone was madly in love with her, but she wasn't happy in Novac. 

The village crazy, No-Bark, he sounded like he'd seen something happen in the hotel lobby, but then talked about how the mole men from underground come up to entice young human women down there so they can steal their hair. Then again, he was right about the "invisible Commie ghosts" in that they were invisible. 

To do: check hotel lobby when Jeannie isn't there to see me.

~ ~ ~

Jeannie seemed so nice.

~ ~ ~

At night I made some excuse and led her out to the dinosaur and gave Boone the signal. She died quick, and quiet; I took the body out of town boundaries so scavengers will get it, but the townsfolk might still find out what happened.

Boone asked me how I knew it was her. I showed him the receipt from the lobby safe, the one from the Legion to Jeannie in exchange for Carla Boone and her unborn child. I can't imagine why she kept it, except that the Legion promised her a bonus if the baby was born healthy.

Made me sick to find it. She seemed so nice. Jeannie, I mean. How could she do that? How could she just sell another human being?

~ ~ ~

Boone can't stay here after that. I asked him to travel with me. He must have some skill, since he was NCR and he's — was — a town defender. I need backup, he needs to get out of town. I doubt Benny has anything to do with the Legion, but Boone will kill Legion anytime he gets the opportunity.

I hope this goes well. I'll need the help when I meet Benny and his bodyguards.


	11. (and One More for the Road)

I talked with Boone as we walked. (Right now we've made camp and I've got some mole rat cooking with prickly pear fruit.) Boone doesn't want to talk much, but I've been alone for so long that I can tell I'm running off at the mouth. It's good to have someone with me again.

Again? I must not have been alone before all this happened. 

Anyway. 

Boone's convinced his wife is dead. He won't talk about it and I think he's hiding something about it. But he was with the NCR and he's a great sniper. We already took out a little Legion camp and freed some Powder Ganger prisoners; he hates Legion so much he'll shoot without any say-so from me.

So he goes with me, and he's patient enough while I gather, and he does the hunting now, which is saving us a lot of ammo. 

~ ~ ~

Found a whole box of pencils in a desk!! Good timing because this one is almost a nub.

Boone says he doesn't think anyone will notice anything about Jeannie's death. Death happens a lot out here and it could have happened anytime. Like maybe when he was on break. If she hadn't sold his wife into slavery I might have felt bad. But at least he won't be declared an outlaw, so we can move freely, at least in NCR territory. He did say if we get too close to Legion he's going to start killing and won't stop.

But we're heading north, finally on our way to Vegas. Finally to find the man who killed me.

~ ~ ~

oMg tths beers good shit man god snt

boon companion boone companieon voice smooth s ssoft lanther   
boone boon bond eons donbe bond boon

~ ~ ~

It turns out, 200-year-old beer can and will go bad and do bad things to you. Considering most of the old food is still (barely) edible, I thought the beer would be too.

My head hurts. Boone hasn't said anything but I just hope I didn't make a complete ass of myself last night. Some gibberish in here, probably me trying to write while sozzled.

Boone does have a nice voice though. But he's still mourning his wife, and I respect that. I hope I did last night.

Going to use the rest of the beer to douse the fire.

~ ~ ~

Haven't asked Boone what I may have said or did last night and he hasn't volunteered. 

Some big installation up ahead. Will investigate since there's NCR flag on it and I'd like to sell and resupply.

~ ~ ~

Laid up for the rest of the afternoon so I'll do a little writing.

I've already learned about booby traps (why are they called that?) by walking into them. I guess you could say I've learned about gun traps, by walking into them, and today I learned about a bear trap, by, you guessed it, walking into it.

Do I need glasses? I hope not. That would explain a lot about needing a gun for barns. But I don't think I do. I think I just… trust in the world too much, maybe, and don't think enough about traps and snares. 

Boone's a sniper, not recon, and today he helped me get the bear trap off my foot, and I slammed a stimpack into my leg, and now I'm resting up in an NCR tent. I tried to make a joke of it, after it didn't hurt so much, but Boone didn't say anything about it. 

I don't even know his first name. He's just Boone. 

My foot's better thanks to the stimpack, but I need a new boot. The NCR quartermaster will be back at dusk and I can trade for one or a pair of boots. Boone's sleeping while we have the chance and this is a safe place.


	12. There's a Cloud in my Valley of Sunshine

This big installation is an old power plant, using 

\- it's a solar power plant of terawatt capacity operating at approximately two-per-cent capacity

I know things that I don't know that I know, and sometimes it comes back to me, and I wish I could hold onto it.

The power plant. When we got close I could tell it wasn't anywhere near capacity but it was operating. Boone didn't argue so we went there. The NCR is in control of it, and when I said I could see it needed work, and I could help, they said to go talk to "the idiot" in back.

And he was an idiot all right. Might've been a junkie. Scammed his way into this job so he could get a free ride. He had no idea what he was doing. It made me so angry. I walked away before I could shoot him. This is pre-war technology! It is working and should not be treated like a toy to be destroyed!

Even just writing about him now makes me angry.

In the next tech room was an actual scientist. Ignacio is one of the Followers of the Apocalypse, and as soon as we began talking, I calmed down. He understands. The Followers are helpers, healers, keepers of knowledge. It felt so good to hear someone else feel like that. Was I one of them? 

If I wasn't, could I be?

The Followers have another goal, besides rebuilding the world: leaving some things better off unburied. This place was designed to power a massive weapon. It probably still could. But of course if it could, and people knew that, then the Legion and the NCR and the Brotherhood and everyone else would fight to the death to get their hands on it. 

And it still generates power. But it could do so much more. 

Ignacio and I went over the specs (minus the idiot, of course) and I realized I could get it to power quite an area around here. That's also one of the goals of the Followers. The NCR only wants power sent to the Strip and to McCarran air force base.

It took some time, because someone (Brotherhood? NCR?) set off the security robots and alarms, and I had to get that taken care of first. Which makes it sound very simple indeed, but it wasn't. With those down, I could get to the top and work on the mirror deployment.

Then we had to wait until the sun was high enough to make it work, so I talked a little with Boone. He's opening up. Something happened to him in Bitter Springs, but he won't talk about that yet.

When I got the power plant online, it was like the sun came to earth. Blinding. But then, I could hear the hum of the cables, and anywhere those cables go, the power goes. Power means light, security, even heating and cooling, and cooking too. Of course, whether those machines still work is another matter. But the power is there.

Ignacio's very grateful and said he'll tell the Followers of what I've done. He's staying at the plant to make sure nobody figures out how to misuse the power. 

Then I went to talk to the idiot, and this time I didn't walk away. And neither did he. If anyone heard the shot, they didn't say anything to me.


	13. Home on the Wastes

We're back at Novac. Nobody is saying anything about Jeannie's death. Just that "she passed." I saved the town from ghouls, so maybe that has something to do with it? 

We came back because I wanted to see how it was doing with power. People are pretty happy about that, too. In fact Cliff is now running the motel and the shop and he said I could have Jeannie's old room at the motel for my own. That's a thanks I can get behind!

Seriously, the door has a lock! And I have the key! And it's on the second floor! So now I have a safe place to put things! It's almost like a home!

I must have had a home somewhere, and I'm sure I'll come across it someday, but until then, I have a room. And what a room! There's a wardrobe and a dresser and two chairs, and a little table, and one of those "bathrooms" that all the pre-war places have. I wish they worked, but I remember something about they would need a reliable source of water, and pumps, and pipes, so for now they don't really work, although I guess if I could haul enough water upstairs and somehow heat it, I could have a bath.

That's really tempting.

Now I have a place to put my extra stuff. I have a space suit and helmet from the Bright Followers, the ghouls that went into space. I have some empty notebooks still, I can put them here, and extra pencils. I spent a day just fixing up the room and making it mine and putting things away.

Jeannie's things were still there too, and I had to clean some of that out and take it to a wandering trader to sell. Novac was the first town she'd found with power, she said. I hope she spreads the word. 

She had some prewar clothing to sell. Most of it I don't care about — I need armor, and my helmet could use repair — but there was something she called "pajamas." Special clothes just to sleep in! Sounds pretty good to me, as grimy as you get out here.

It was red and kinda soft and nice, really smooth and fine. A little faded, because it's old, but I bought it. The trader asked if I had a hot date planned. 

Up in my room I tried it on and looked in the mirror (Jeannie's was nearly intact in the bathroom and now there's power to the lights there). Well it's different. Flowy and loose. Not something for everyday or public wear. But it sure does feel nice.

And the bed! The bed is huge! And it has a blanket and pillows! And the mattress isn't even that dirty. This is

Boone just asked to talk to me and yes I was still in the pajamas. He asked if we're going to get back to work now. I said yeah, we'll stay here a night and then see about finding Legion and the guys who killed me. He said he wanted to make sure we were sticking to the plan.

I guess we should get back to that.

But tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to try these pajamas in this giant bed. It'll be lots of space. Boone is staying in his old room tonight. 

~ ~ ~

Made it to Camp McCarran (spelling?) and resting in the El Rey Motel.

There's a lot out there and I really want to explore. But Boone pointed out that my killer won't wait around forever for me.

We found a couple of rest stops and gas stations. The rest stops are manned by traders and storekeepers and they uniformly seem to have the idea that the best way to get rich is not by gambling, but by selling to gamblers. Which shows they have more sense than the gamblers. 

There was also an ant mound in a barn. i think the giant ants killed the farmers and the brahmin, and despite Boone thinking it was a horrible idea, we went into the ant mound. I killed the queen using the barn gun. Boone chewed me out afterwards for using it underground. I hadn't thought of that. But we got lots of ant meat and ant nectar.

There's also the REPCONN Headquarters, which looks like it has a museum, and I'll come back to that after I've dealt with my killer. And some office buildings that might not be looted yet.

New Vegas lights up the horizon like radiation, and you can see the glow for miles away. And miles is what it took to get here. Benny must've really hated me to track me down to Goodsprings to shoot me in the head. I need to keep him alive long enough to get some answers.

At one of the rest stops, I heard someone say as we passed, "I wish I had a First Recon watching over me." That's Boone. Wow. He still wears his 1st Recon beret, never takes it off. I wonder what people will think in Camp McCarran.

~ ~ ~

Well we won't know for a while because I looked back through my notes here and saw the Great Khans are supposed to be at Boulder City, and they were helping Benny kill me. So we'll go there next.

~ ~ ~

At night the coyotes howl and the insects sing and the wind dusts the hills, and if the moon is up it's easy to see where you're going, and it's nice out. So to speak. Cooler than during the day, too.

~ ~ ~

Boulder City is a mess. The NCR bombed it, drawing the Legion into a trap, and there's not much left of the town.

The Great Khans are in there, but they have NCR hostages, and the NCR won't let them out without hostages, and I guess I'll have to go in and talk to them if I want to get some answers, and try to solve this without everyone shooting. The NCR Lt. agreed that if I can get the hostages free, the Khans can leave.

~ ~ ~

When we walked into the Khans' camp, one of them said "You're that guy Benny killed! I thought you were dead!"

In retrospect, there were all kinds of things I could have replied, but I said "I'm not dead, and I believe you have something of mine."

(I didn't remember him at all.)

Benny stiffed the Khans. He took off owing them money and keeping that platinum poker chip I was supposed to deliver. So they sang away, and gave me a lighter from him, telling me I could stick it up his behind. (Not their exact word.) Benny is one of the Chairmen, who run the Tops casino. He had a big job worth lots of caps, so the Khans went for it. Instead they got ripped off and now trapped by the NCR.

I told them I'd arrange for the NCR to escort them out of the territory if they'd give up the hostages. They wanted to leave, the NCR wanted them out of there — it was good for all. Jessup agreed, a little reluctantly, but an agreement is an agreement.

Back at the NCR camp, the Lt. in charge said he'd just gotten orders to wipe out the Khans, but I said we'd already made a deal, and he should honor it. And he did. Which is good, I didn't need that mess on my hands too. Better like this. Nobody gets killed. The Khans go home, the NCR can stand down, and nobody dies.

I'll scavenge around Boulder City with what's left of the day and then I suppose we're on the road to Vegas again.


	14. New Vegas Valley

Have to jot down some notes.

We got back to McCarran and found the farmyard and greenhouses.

Got into Vegas thru Freeside East gate  
\- gang named Kings, leader The King  
\- lots of social problems, possible work?  
\- people here don't like the NCR  
\- be careful around the casinos  
\- Followers of the Apocalypse!! In a place called "old mormon fort"

Going to check in there first just to be safe.

Actually saw some kids here in Vegas too, playing.

~ ~ ~

The Followers have a place here, and it's where I want to be. 

They're healers and helpers and gatherers of knowledge, and if I wasn't one before, I want to be one now. This is where I want to be. They're trying to detox the junkies and the alkies, and take care of people. Someone said they're the closest thing to saints in the wasteland. 

I have business with Benny to take care of, and then I owe it to Boone to help him, too. I still want to explore those places I looked at before, and maybe I could do that for the Followers, to earn my place with them. I can feel it in my heart, such a longing. 

I'll come back here when I'm done with Benny. There's another reason to take care of that business: if the Khans recognized me, they'll spread the word that I'm alive. Better to meet Benny on my own terms.

~ ~ ~

Vegas is a dump.

Boulder City at least had the excuse of having been bombed. Vegas looks like it should be bombed. It's just as blasted out as the rest of the wasteland, except somehow it's worse here. Oh, and of course there's guns, chems, booze, whores and gangs, all in one place. If that Helios weapon were ever activated, Vegas might be a tempting target if one wanted to remove a lot of scum at once.

Also it's noisy here, always people drinking, partying, fighting, shooting, crying, who knows. Too much and too dispiriting. No wonder the Followers have their hands full. 

~ ~ ~

Vegas shines from the outside. But I can't get to the inside part at all. I'm not important enough, or perhaps more importantly, rich enough, to get into the inner core of the city. So I need to gain more of a reputation, and more money.

Fine.

That seems very childish, now that I wrote it out.

I'm going to get to you sooner or later, Benny. 

~ ~ ~

Back at Camp McCarran looking for work. I need money and they probably could use the help. Boone says they're overstretched now, and the Legion is massing for an inevitable attack. So this will help both — the NCR needs help and I need money (and more influence probably too). 

~ ~ ~

Followers are working with NCR a bit — kind of an uneasy peace — but I'm helping both. One of the NCR snipers — not Boone — won't give her name in case someone else reads this — she was attacked by Fiends and… assaulted. Her superior told her to get some help after she got super aggressive toward everyone afterward. She still didn't want help, but I talked to her, and realized: NCR see themselves as strong. The defenders. Not good to be weak. (which is a problem with Boone but more on that later) I said: if this were a physical injury, like a sprain, or a cut, wouldn't you want it taken care of? You wouldn't just shrug it off. You'd get a doctor to look at it and treat it. Help it heal. Don't let it stay hurt, so you can't be as strong as you were.

She liked that a lot better, I think, than if I'd tried "but people care about you" and so on. She agreed she'd go talk to one of the doctors.

As it turns out, word got back to the Followers about what I did, and I think they're impressed. And I did help someone.

Now I just have to figure out Boone. He's hurting too, from his wife's death. I have a bad feeling about it, but — he needs help too. 

~ ~ ~

Got a line on a job for the NCR. I'm told there's work here at the casinos, but I don't know that I'm ready for those yet. It sounds… ugly.

~ ~ ~

Boone's an ass.


End file.
